Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize