Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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