Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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