Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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