Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
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In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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