ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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