who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize