Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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