It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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