if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize