So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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