Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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