I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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