am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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