So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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