like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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