ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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