dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
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His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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