what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm like, not good at living.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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