these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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