i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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