Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize