oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My liver just had a heart attack.
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I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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