How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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