porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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