Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sarcasm needs its own font
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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