Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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