he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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