i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
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I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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