I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
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Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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