I'm going to jail i love you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize