How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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