Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize