I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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