i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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