I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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