some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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