My sheets look like a crime scene.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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