he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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