haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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