u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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