Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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