How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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