You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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