I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We got so high we made milksteak
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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