You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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