We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize