ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize