Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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