**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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